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Top10 Favorite Quotes from Jack Handy

Back in the day when SNL was actually pretty darn funny, they use to have a reflections moment called Deep Thoughts with quotes from the uniquely strange mind of Jack Handy.

Here are a collection of my favorite Top10 from the late Jack Handy. I hope you enjoy them.

  1. “It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.”
  2. “If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins most? I’d say Flippy, wouldn’t you? You’d be wrong though. It’s Hambone.”
  3. “I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.”
  4. “If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that’s what He’s getting”
  5. “If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.”
  6. “To me, it’s a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, Hey, can you give me a hand? You can say, Sorry, got these sacks.”
  7. “Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn’t seem quite so funny.”
  8. “When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we’d all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn’t until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.”
  9. “Here’s a good trick: Get a job as a judge at the Olympics. Then, if some guy sets a world record, pretend that you didn’t see it and go, “Okay, is everybody ready to start now?”
  10. “Instead of building newer and larger weapons of mass destruction, I think mankind should try to get more use out of the ones we have”
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